Can a gay guy become straight

While it’s true that closeted gay and bisexual men think they’re straight before coming out, these are not who I’m talking about here. At least male sexual fluidity opens up the possibility that men having sex with other men doesn’t automatically mean they’re gay or bi. We know that gay men are now coming out at an earlier age. However, we live in a society in which many people (including self-identifying gays and lesbians) don't quite believe in bisexuality.

Let’s be more accepting of that. They were simply attracted to the sexual contact they were sharing, thrilled by the taboo adventure of it. Straight men, on the other hand, remember no such attraction or interest. In comparison, men became sexually aroused only by depictions that that corresponded with their sexual orientations. They would never identify as being gay or bisexual.

However, if a man admits to watching gay porn or fantasizing about sex with other men, even if it was only one thought and if he’s never acted on these impulses, he’s automatically labeled as a closeted gay man, or a bisexual in denial. Thirdly, I invite readers to go to Craigslist.org and take a look at the personal ads, for "men seeking men" and count how many are written by self-identified "straight" or "str8" men looking for sex with other men.

So what? Sexual behavior doesn’t always equate with sexual identity. It allows for nuance.

How do you know if you’re gay, bi or straight?

Over the years I’ve developed a simple set of questions for men who come into my office fearing that they are secretly gay or bisexual, or that their female partner or therapist has insisted they’re in denial.

She found that women who identified as lesbians could find themselves periodically attracted to and sexually active with men, then women, then men again. Should we suspect them of actually being straight or bi?

Sex for Money: Some men identifying as straight have sex with other men for money, calling themselves “cash-sexuals,” because it’s not the sex that turns them on, rather the money and the power they feel of having control over someone’s wallet.

Many women experience this and are not labeled as lesbians or bisexual.

Why do straight men have sex with men?

There are many reasons, which I’ve discovered through my therapy practice:

ChildhoodSexual Abuse. The gay or bi boy may be secretly and eagerly waiting for the next invitation. I believe this is due to the lack of permission males still have in bonding beyond work and sports, and that we’re still not teaching men how to emotionally connect with other men.

Or that we are ready to believe that the sexy Samantha character in Sex in the City could take a break from men and engage in a complicated steamy affair with a lesbian played by Sonia Braga (OK, who wouldn't?)

There is evidence that male sexual attractions and behaviors can also be fluid. Gay men who disclose their sexual orientation to their straight male friends earlier in life may be able to build more open and honest friendships with them into adulthood.

Second, recent research has argued that gender and sexual orientation might not be as black and white as previously thought, which opens up new avenues for exploring how gay and straight men can relate to one another.

These discussions are particularly important because they normalize same-gender attraction. For example, not too long ago, the Sambia, an indigenous tribe in New Guinea believed a boy could not reach manhood unless he fellated an older man and ingested his semen.